Is that two words, or one? Anyway, my first one took place during chumash class. We were starting Parshas Chukas, and my Rebbe was handing out work packets. On the cover of these was a big cow with a Soviet ensigna in the middle. So I ask my Rebbe," Whats with the Soviet symbol?" and he says," this parsha deals with the para aduma ( red cow).
Yukyukyuk. Here's another one:
Knock knock
whos there?
potatoes
potatoes who?
potatoes are taking a shower!
Yeah, the PT came up with that one. I can't think of anymore, though. Maybe you have one?
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Script
here's the script for the previous post:
http://allyourbase.planettribes.gamespy.com/story.shtml
They were making fun of a horribly translated Japanese Gameboy game.
http://allyourbase.planettribes.gamespy.com/story.shtml
They were making fun of a horribly translated Japanese Gameboy game.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Yay!!!!!!!!
OK, 30cal and PsychoToddler may have beat me to the punch, and I may be little late, but I DID have a Bar Mitzvah this week!
It was completely crazy. At one AM Shabbos morning, 30cal was reading me my speech, and he pointed out so many errors I freaked. I had a terrible speech, and I had to give it in, like, 10 hours. Even if we made changes, I wouldn't be able to write them down. When I got up to read the speech after davening in front of the entire congregation, I was barely reciting from the paper. Most of it was off the top of my head, and believe me that I was terrified when I gave it. Funny that everyone actually liked it more than my leining. Or is that just in contrast to my leining? Well, whatever. I'm just glad to be over with it. It's good to know that the rest of the year is smooth sailing.
It was completely crazy. At one AM Shabbos morning, 30cal was reading me my speech, and he pointed out so many errors I freaked. I had a terrible speech, and I had to give it in, like, 10 hours. Even if we made changes, I wouldn't be able to write them down. When I got up to read the speech after davening in front of the entire congregation, I was barely reciting from the paper. Most of it was off the top of my head, and believe me that I was terrified when I gave it. Funny that everyone actually liked it more than my leining. Or is that just in contrast to my leining? Well, whatever. I'm just glad to be over with it. It's good to know that the rest of the year is smooth sailing.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Dillusional
PT: Hey Curly, know who's boots these used to be?
Me: Iguana's.
PT: Yeah, but before then. Y'know, Fudge!
Me: No they weren't.
PT: Y'know how I know? Here, Curly, I will tell you. Iguana showed me a picture of her when she was my age, and she was wearing my dress! And I said 'Iguana that's my dress and she said ' No PT I gave that dress to you.' And you know who gave it to her? Fudge. And thats how I know.
Me: No, Iguana bought(ten) them.
PT: She did!?
Me: Yes she did.
PT: Boy, thats got to be embarresing.
Me: Embarresing? Why?
PT: Um, I mean frustrating.
Me: Why?
PT: Cuz I was thinking that when I grow up I would get to walk around in cool boots and walk around and jump and run and draw and call you to breakfest and shout in your ear like I am right now and sit down and eat um, toasted, um spahgetti! And drive a car and an airplane and boy, is this weird.
Me: Yeah, I know.
PT: Cmon, lets go meet my friends.
Me: Right.
PT then takes me over to her stuffed animal collection and say," OK guys, remember my brother Curly? Y'know, the OTHER one that I kept telling you about? Um, ok um... Curly?
Me: Yes?
PT: I dont think they like you.
Me: oh.
PT: Run really fast.
Me: Iguana's.
PT: Yeah, but before then. Y'know, Fudge!
Me: No they weren't.
PT: Y'know how I know? Here, Curly, I will tell you. Iguana showed me a picture of her when she was my age, and she was wearing my dress! And I said 'Iguana that's my dress and she said ' No PT I gave that dress to you.' And you know who gave it to her? Fudge. And thats how I know.
Me: No, Iguana bought(ten) them.
PT: She did!?
Me: Yes she did.
PT: Boy, thats got to be embarresing.
Me: Embarresing? Why?
PT: Um, I mean frustrating.
Me: Why?
PT: Cuz I was thinking that when I grow up I would get to walk around in cool boots and walk around and jump and run and draw and call you to breakfest and shout in your ear like I am right now and sit down and eat um, toasted, um spahgetti! And drive a car and an airplane and boy, is this weird.
Me: Yeah, I know.
PT: Cmon, lets go meet my friends.
Me: Right.
PT then takes me over to her stuffed animal collection and say," OK guys, remember my brother Curly? Y'know, the OTHER one that I kept telling you about? Um, ok um... Curly?
Me: Yes?
PT: I dont think they like you.
Me: oh.
PT: Run really fast.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Frozen Custard Butterburgers
What are they? What kind of sick, twisted mind thought them up? And does he wear crocks?
I'm going to start off with those questions. The answer to the first question is the easiest. What are they? They are carefully laided out veggie burgers coated in melt-in-your-mouth butter and filled with a scrumptios custard suprise!
Who thought of them? If you thought it was from Rafiki,er...take a bow, or pat yourself on the back or shout or something. Yes, that baboon first imagine the product we love. And does he wear crocks?
Maybe.
I'm going to start off with those questions. The answer to the first question is the easiest. What are they? They are carefully laided out veggie burgers coated in melt-in-your-mouth butter and filled with a scrumptios custard suprise!
Who thought of them? If you thought it was from Rafiki,er...take a bow, or pat yourself on the back or shout or something. Yes, that baboon first imagine the product we love. And does he wear crocks?
Maybe.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
If I were plankton...
I'd get eaten. Either the whales or the fish or whatever would eat me. Between the 2 of them-not counting the 'whatever'- I'd be eaten at some point in my life, though it would probably be at the end. Either that or I'd drown.
So why am I mentioning this? Becuase if you saw a guy dressed as a plankton on Halloween this year, would that be beneficial to him? Or would it just mean you got his costume wrong? And can I continue my streak of 3 questions in row?
Well, barring the last question, this really brings out a moral debate. Is this a form of protest? Is he trying to save the plankton? Or is it just a scheme to get more candy?
But maybe this is just the begining of an educational future halloween. Maybe someday parents will incorporate learning into the day. Maybe someday children will roam the streets dressed as fruits and vegetables and deep sea fungus and Native Americans and famous authors and other educational stuff.
At least, thats we spend time doing at my school, anyway.
So why am I mentioning this? Becuase if you saw a guy dressed as a plankton on Halloween this year, would that be beneficial to him? Or would it just mean you got his costume wrong? And can I continue my streak of 3 questions in row?
Well, barring the last question, this really brings out a moral debate. Is this a form of protest? Is he trying to save the plankton? Or is it just a scheme to get more candy?
But maybe this is just the begining of an educational future halloween. Maybe someday parents will incorporate learning into the day. Maybe someday children will roam the streets dressed as fruits and vegetables and deep sea fungus and Native Americans and famous authors and other educational stuff.
At least, thats we spend time doing at my school, anyway.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Teffilin
Is that how you spell it? Well, anyway, I put on teffilin today. By the begining of shacaris, the circulation to my laft arm and hand had been cut off. At the end, they were both white and freezing. It was pretty painful. But they're probably going to be looser next time, though.
Its scary, thinking that I only have one month left to my Bar Mitzvah. It's even scarier that all my last posts haven't been able to top 3 paragraphs. Why can't I make a post that doesn't use up the idea in the first paragraph?
So I'm going to make this one four paragraphs, just to break the streak. Also, it will look very intimidating, when you log on and its like, a column of words descending to the bottom of the screen and you'll be like, woah, this post is very intimidating.
My sister could give this post five words: dead air, um, dead air. Its true. I probably won't make this paragraph very interesting. Better move on to the next one.
Wait! thats four!
Its scary, thinking that I only have one month left to my Bar Mitzvah. It's even scarier that all my last posts haven't been able to top 3 paragraphs. Why can't I make a post that doesn't use up the idea in the first paragraph?
So I'm going to make this one four paragraphs, just to break the streak. Also, it will look very intimidating, when you log on and its like, a column of words descending to the bottom of the screen and you'll be like, woah, this post is very intimidating.
My sister could give this post five words: dead air, um, dead air. Its true. I probably won't make this paragraph very interesting. Better move on to the next one.
Wait! thats four!
Monday, October 16, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
The Weed Lord
I can't offer a link to my bro Rafiki's blog, but face it, all of you already know how to get there. I've got an ongoing career as the Weed Lord (where did that title COME from?) in Rafiki's movies. You probably couldn't tell with me wearing the coat and hat and glasses and all. It has earned much fame and brought to the world renowned staus I now hold today. The best part was, I got to pull my sisters hat down. I've always wanted to do that. It was so much fun!
The Weed Lord
I can't offer a link to my bro Rafiki's blog, but face it, all of you already know how to get there. I've got an ongoing career as the Weed Lord (where did that title COME from?) in Rafiki's movies. You probably couldn't tell with me wearing the coat and hat and glasses and all. It has earned much fame and brought to the world renowned staus I now hold today. The best part was, I got to pull my sisters hat down. I've always wanted to do that. It was so much fun!
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Classroom Facisim
We were learning history a little while ago. We, of course, learning about Native Americans, as we have for the past five years, and after five years we were bored sick of it. So, someone proposed that we take a vote who wants to learn about Native Americans or the founding fathers. Our history teacher said NO. We went on to protest that his decision was unconstitutional, and that his decision to not learn about founding fathers in the first place was also unconstitutional. Our teacher declared," School is not a democracy. It is a dictatorship. And anyone who steps out of line will be punished."
Sunday, September 24, 2006
gelilah-phobia
I was davening at the shul this Rosh Hashana, when somebody came up to me during kreeas hatorah and asked,"gelilah?"
During gelilah, you have to the roll up the Torah and put the covering on it. I have a reputation for messing it up. Last time I tried, I nearly ripped the Torah in half. That pretty much stopped me from doing it this time.
Most people dont get scared when somebody comes up to them and asks them to do gelilah, though. I'm pretty sure that when they come up to me, they sneer to themselves and themselves and say another one down. SUCKER. Of course, they wouldn't show that, but I'm sure I can detect it as they ask.
During gelilah, you have to the roll up the Torah and put the covering on it. I have a reputation for messing it up. Last time I tried, I nearly ripped the Torah in half. That pretty much stopped me from doing it this time.
Most people dont get scared when somebody comes up to them and asks them to do gelilah, though. I'm pretty sure that when they come up to me, they sneer to themselves and themselves and say another one down. SUCKER. Of course, they wouldn't show that, but I'm sure I can detect it as they ask.
The Honey Bear
Every Rosh Hashona, we go to the store and buy honey. Every Rosh Hoshona night, I always find myself in the company of a little, yellowish bear. For some reason, the plastic containers that honey is put in are almost always shaped like bears.
But why are they shaped like bears? Well, bears like honey, people tell me. But two things: first off, bears kill a lot of bees and drive the rest out of the hive, plus kill alot of larvae when they do it, which can sometimes mean less honey is gathered, thus less honey is collected from the hive. So, bears are actually the enemy of honey.
Additionally, if the bears like to eat honey, that means less honey for us. Why would they make the containers shaped like bears if bears make them lose money by eating honey?
Well, I've come to the conclusion that this plus all the other reasons bears hurt business and kill people and other stuff, you'd say that bears don't help anybody and thus be cruel to any bear you come across. The people in the honey in the honey business like bears and want to protect them, so they shape honey containers like cute, cuddly bears as if to apoligize for the bears taking your honey, and to say that bears are cute and nice.
So the bottom line is honey containers are shaped like bears becuase they want you to have mercy on bears.
But why are they shaped like bears? Well, bears like honey, people tell me. But two things: first off, bears kill a lot of bees and drive the rest out of the hive, plus kill alot of larvae when they do it, which can sometimes mean less honey is gathered, thus less honey is collected from the hive. So, bears are actually the enemy of honey.
Additionally, if the bears like to eat honey, that means less honey for us. Why would they make the containers shaped like bears if bears make them lose money by eating honey?
Well, I've come to the conclusion that this plus all the other reasons bears hurt business and kill people and other stuff, you'd say that bears don't help anybody and thus be cruel to any bear you come across. The people in the honey in the honey business like bears and want to protect them, so they shape honey containers like cute, cuddly bears as if to apoligize for the bears taking your honey, and to say that bears are cute and nice.
So the bottom line is honey containers are shaped like bears becuase they want you to have mercy on bears.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Tale of Crime and Treason on the High Seas
You all know the book I'm talking about. It was filled with adventure, excitement, knowlegde and thrills. Laughs would come easily when one would read this grand novel.
Yes, it is Curious George.
We went down to the school library yesterday with Mr.()enkins. It was mostly filled with preschool. Seizing the chance, I grabbed my favorite book, Curious George Escapes from Prison, and sat down next to my teacher.
" Sir," I began," I would like to tell you a tale of crime and treason on the high seas. It all began one day in Africa, while-"
" Wait one minute, Curly. I cant read a book with you right now, no matter how exciting it is." he said.
" But sir! Surely you don't want to miss out on this! So, ahem, Curious George was a monkey. But he was no ordinary monkey. He was very curious. He lived in Africa.
One day, the big Yellow Man came to Africa to visit. He liked George a lot, and decided to kidnap him. So he put down his hat..."
I went on to tell him the thrilling epic, how George jumped overboard, how he would smoke every night before bed, how he was sent to prison and how he escaped. I told him how he flew over the Big City, and how he eventually went to the zoo to give all the animals balloons.
Mr. ()enkins didn't really like it, but I'm sure that comes from being a math teacher. Of course, all people love the tale of the curious monkey from exotic lands, and I'm suprised college students don't learn it. I mean, didn't you love Curuois George?
Yes, it is Curious George.
We went down to the school library yesterday with Mr.()enkins. It was mostly filled with preschool. Seizing the chance, I grabbed my favorite book, Curious George Escapes from Prison, and sat down next to my teacher.
" Sir," I began," I would like to tell you a tale of crime and treason on the high seas. It all began one day in Africa, while-"
" Wait one minute, Curly. I cant read a book with you right now, no matter how exciting it is." he said.
" But sir! Surely you don't want to miss out on this! So, ahem, Curious George was a monkey. But he was no ordinary monkey. He was very curious. He lived in Africa.
One day, the big Yellow Man came to Africa to visit. He liked George a lot, and decided to kidnap him. So he put down his hat..."
I went on to tell him the thrilling epic, how George jumped overboard, how he would smoke every night before bed, how he was sent to prison and how he escaped. I told him how he flew over the Big City, and how he eventually went to the zoo to give all the animals balloons.
Mr. ()enkins didn't really like it, but I'm sure that comes from being a math teacher. Of course, all people love the tale of the curious monkey from exotic lands, and I'm suprised college students don't learn it. I mean, didn't you love Curuois George?
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
The Dentist
My mother told me," Curly, you've got an orthidantist appointment."
"oh no." I said, heart sinking," What are they gonna do?"
"Not much." she replied.
What she could've said would be, " well, theyre going to take 3 Xrays, stick a humungous mirror in your mouth twice, then take 2 molds of your teeth twice, and then pry your lips open so they can put flouride on each tooth.
But of course, if parents were that frank, children would have rebelled long ago. So they choose to stay nuetral, so they can leave you to your fate.
Oh, but the orthidantist wasn't the terrible part. Before I left, they said" Next week we're going to cement an appliance that gradually drag your forward by a series of coils and springs which will eventually, over the course of one year, get rid of your over bite. And in 3 months we put on the braces."
I went home and watched a movie. In the movie, the main character would have flashbacks to his childhood, where he wore an enoumus contraption which pulled his lips out and tugged his jaw forward.
Needless to say, a movie like that and a week are not a very good combination for my situation.
Youre probably there luaghing and saying " HA HA! SUCKER!" while you struggle not to fall out of your chair. Well, you heartless fiend, you wont be laughing when it happens to YOU!(or some one you know!)
"oh no." I said, heart sinking," What are they gonna do?"
"Not much." she replied.
What she could've said would be, " well, theyre going to take 3 Xrays, stick a humungous mirror in your mouth twice, then take 2 molds of your teeth twice, and then pry your lips open so they can put flouride on each tooth.
But of course, if parents were that frank, children would have rebelled long ago. So they choose to stay nuetral, so they can leave you to your fate.
Oh, but the orthidantist wasn't the terrible part. Before I left, they said" Next week we're going to cement an appliance that gradually drag your forward by a series of coils and springs which will eventually, over the course of one year, get rid of your over bite. And in 3 months we put on the braces."
I went home and watched a movie. In the movie, the main character would have flashbacks to his childhood, where he wore an enoumus contraption which pulled his lips out and tugged his jaw forward.
Needless to say, a movie like that and a week are not a very good combination for my situation.
Youre probably there luaghing and saying " HA HA! SUCKER!" while you struggle not to fall out of your chair. Well, you heartless fiend, you wont be laughing when it happens to YOU!(or some one you know!)
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Do you know those little cream filled cupcakes with frosting on top? With a little white stripe? Well, I gave one of those to the PT. Of course, five year olds are infamous for eating the frosting, but not the cake. So I say " its good, PT, see? its got yummy cream in the middle. It tastes great! so you can eat the cake!"
" Yummy!" she exclaims.
" so you're gonna eat the cake, right?"
"yep!"
" are you sure?"
" positive!"
I decide thats enough goading and let her eat her cake. Ten minutes later, I come back to the table to find no PT, but a topless cream filled cupcake sitting there. No frosting, just cake and cream. So I search the house for the responsible nutjob. And there she is, eating potato chips in the living room. So I confront her and ask," PT, why didnt you eat the cake?"
" I didnt like the cake!" she says.
" Yummy!" she exclaims.
" so you're gonna eat the cake, right?"
"yep!"
" are you sure?"
" positive!"
I decide thats enough goading and let her eat her cake. Ten minutes later, I come back to the table to find no PT, but a topless cream filled cupcake sitting there. No frosting, just cake and cream. So I search the house for the responsible nutjob. And there she is, eating potato chips in the living room. So I confront her and ask," PT, why didnt you eat the cake?"
" I didnt like the cake!" she says.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
There's a underground floor in house. There's a few rooms. The first one, near the steps, houses the computers. then theres a luandry room to the side, which links to a boiler room and the famed " toy pantry", where are the toys go when they die. Unfortunately, the PT keeps trying to ressurect them.
So I'm sitting in the computer room, reading a book, when PT comes down the stairs. She goes up to me and says " Curly, Im going to get a toy from the toy pantry. Stay right here." And then heads off into the luandry room. Aside from the computer room, usually all the lights are turned off in the basement.
Aproximatly 3 seconds later:"OKAY I CANT SEE A THING."
I try to get back to my book, but a few seconds later " HELLO! I CANT SEE A THING!!!!" this time in a more whiny voice, giving me my cue to go help her.
I walk in and trun on the lights. " okay curly now I can see." she says, and then stares down the dark hallway ahead.
" Um... you stay here." she says, and slowly walks towards the doorway. Once she reaches it, she stops for a second, turns around and runs back in front of me.
" Okay actually you're gonna have to come with me." She cant even imagine me saying no, so I decide to go with her. Theres a barricade of suitcases in front of the toy pantry, though, and then, sudennly, the PT looks at me.
" Okay Curly," she says," I actually decided I dont want to go."
"oh okay."I say" then lets go back."
"Im not finished! Im going to go back, and youre going to stay here and get me a toy." she turns to leave.
" Hey wait one second!" Im not getting it for you! you have to get it!"
she turns around." what?"
"I said you have to get it!"
"um...." she looks back and forth at me and the way out.
"you know what Curly?" she says at last. " Lets just pretend this didnt happen."
So I'm sitting in the computer room, reading a book, when PT comes down the stairs. She goes up to me and says " Curly, Im going to get a toy from the toy pantry. Stay right here." And then heads off into the luandry room. Aside from the computer room, usually all the lights are turned off in the basement.
Aproximatly 3 seconds later:"OKAY I CANT SEE A THING."
I try to get back to my book, but a few seconds later " HELLO! I CANT SEE A THING!!!!" this time in a more whiny voice, giving me my cue to go help her.
I walk in and trun on the lights. " okay curly now I can see." she says, and then stares down the dark hallway ahead.
" Um... you stay here." she says, and slowly walks towards the doorway. Once she reaches it, she stops for a second, turns around and runs back in front of me.
" Okay actually you're gonna have to come with me." She cant even imagine me saying no, so I decide to go with her. Theres a barricade of suitcases in front of the toy pantry, though, and then, sudennly, the PT looks at me.
" Okay Curly," she says," I actually decided I dont want to go."
"oh okay."I say" then lets go back."
"Im not finished! Im going to go back, and youre going to stay here and get me a toy." she turns to leave.
" Hey wait one second!" Im not getting it for you! you have to get it!"
she turns around." what?"
"I said you have to get it!"
"um...." she looks back and forth at me and the way out.
"you know what Curly?" she says at last. " Lets just pretend this didnt happen."
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
IF I WERE A RICH MAN...
A freind of mine has come up with a scheme to get rich. It goes like this: take a shovel, dig a shallow hole in the middle ofa street. Take a wide bucket ( at least 6ft) and cover it in clay. wait to dry, rough up to look like stone, attatch wheels and put in hole, so wheels are concealed. Then fill it with water and put in a coin or two. By the end of the day, the bucket will be filled with coins. Then, in the cover of night, take the "fountian" up and wheel it to a different location.
A freind of mine has come up with a scheme to get rich. It goes like this: take a shovel, dig a shallow hole in the middle ofa street. Take a wide bucket ( at least 6ft) and cover it in clay. wait to dry, rough up to look like stone, attatch wheels and put in hole, so wheels are concealed. Then fill it with water and put in a coin or two. By the end of the day, the bucket will be filled with coins. Then, in the cover of night, take the "fountian" up and wheel it to a different location.
Monday, September 04, 2006
LABOUR DAY
Do you know labour day came around? Do you know what it is?
Well, I don't, but I know how it came around. Obvoiusly, the students revolted and went on not strike, but strep. So they decided to make it a holiday, in order to encourage others to right.
But you are probably not asking yourself how Labour day came around. You are probably asking yourself " this guy does know its spelled Labor day, right?".
Well for your information I do, you presuming, blundering fool. I was spelling it that way in honor of the famous Australian crocodile documenter,....er...
No, I didnt forget his name. I just dont feel like telling it to you. But anyway, I could sense the world would never be the same, and felt compelled to spell it in British English. I bet you haven't been as considerate as I have in your spelling today, have you?
Do you know labour day came around? Do you know what it is?
Well, I don't, but I know how it came around. Obvoiusly, the students revolted and went on not strike, but strep. So they decided to make it a holiday, in order to encourage others to right.
But you are probably not asking yourself how Labour day came around. You are probably asking yourself " this guy does know its spelled Labor day, right?".
Well for your information I do, you presuming, blundering fool. I was spelling it that way in honor of the famous Australian crocodile documenter,....er...
No, I didnt forget his name. I just dont feel like telling it to you. But anyway, I could sense the world would never be the same, and felt compelled to spell it in British English. I bet you haven't been as considerate as I have in your spelling today, have you?
Sunday, September 03, 2006
A lot of schools now give out summer vacation homework. Usually it's a whole stack of assignments. Some people have to do science projects over the summer. Some get lucky, and only have one assignment, a book report or some such. I only got a vocab list to study. I was a luckier student. It should have been easy. I had two months, after all.
So why, oh why didnt I study ?!
We had the vocab test today. It didnt just shock me how much I'd forgotten. It snuck up behind me, tackled me, smashed me against the wall,pushed me off a cliff and left my body to rot.
After the clash with metaphors, I was handed back my grade. I scowled at the grade and tried to glare it into submission, but the red ink outmatched my gaze. No doubt the retest will be much funner.
And 30cal and Rafiki drove home all way from Witz to gloat. They claim to be hard at work at Witz, but I know what they really do: they sit there all day practicing smirks and sneers and scowls and all the other S words so students all over the state can come and claim to be hard at work. Then they'll have an excuse to gloat. Even twenty years after, they'll take out the yearbook and practice gloating to their sons. Its a tradition thats gone on for generations
So why, oh why didnt I study ?!
We had the vocab test today. It didnt just shock me how much I'd forgotten. It snuck up behind me, tackled me, smashed me against the wall,pushed me off a cliff and left my body to rot.
After the clash with metaphors, I was handed back my grade. I scowled at the grade and tried to glare it into submission, but the red ink outmatched my gaze. No doubt the retest will be much funner.
And 30cal and Rafiki drove home all way from Witz to gloat. They claim to be hard at work at Witz, but I know what they really do: they sit there all day practicing smirks and sneers and scowls and all the other S words so students all over the state can come and claim to be hard at work. Then they'll have an excuse to gloat. Even twenty years after, they'll take out the yearbook and practice gloating to their sons. Its a tradition thats gone on for generations
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Y'know, I was looking at the world map today in class, and I noticed that they had put Australia in green. So I sarcasticaly asked my teacher," Sir, look! They put Australia in green!"
He did not immeidietly recongnize the crisis. " So?" he said, " why's that matter?"
" Well sir, I thought Australia was red."
" Yeah, it is." he seemed not to really care.
" Then why is it green!?" I demanded.
" Well, its probably... um...like....wait, whats this have to do with math?"
" are you telling me that you see an error in this classroom and dont care? Do you not beleive in truth and justice?!"
He decided to stop right there without answering my accusation. Instead, he went on about the Big Plan to finish math today (at least thats how it sounded). However, our next teacher walked in minutes later, before we had a chance to finish. So she waited on the side for us to wrap up. I took that chance to ask her," sir, have you ever noticed that Australia is green on the map?"
"Sir?" She responded.
" I mean, isn't it red?"
Now this teacher has peculiar accent, becuase she was born in Texas but has been teaching in Canada for the past eight years. So she drawled" well, son, I think its mohre to do with our atitoode toowahds Austraaliya. When its green, it meens theha aw friends."
I decided to stop there, mostly becuase it would take a couple of minutes to seperate words from accent. I never got a chance to ask her again. Besides, I realized the whole map was contreversal. Russia in red? South Africa in purple? I dont know about the mapmakers, but I'm content stepping outside and seeing green grass, not orange. So whats up with that?
He did not immeidietly recongnize the crisis. " So?" he said, " why's that matter?"
" Well sir, I thought Australia was red."
" Yeah, it is." he seemed not to really care.
" Then why is it green!?" I demanded.
" Well, its probably... um...like....wait, whats this have to do with math?"
" are you telling me that you see an error in this classroom and dont care? Do you not beleive in truth and justice?!"
He decided to stop right there without answering my accusation. Instead, he went on about the Big Plan to finish math today (at least thats how it sounded). However, our next teacher walked in minutes later, before we had a chance to finish. So she waited on the side for us to wrap up. I took that chance to ask her," sir, have you ever noticed that Australia is green on the map?"
"Sir?" She responded.
" I mean, isn't it red?"
Now this teacher has peculiar accent, becuase she was born in Texas but has been teaching in Canada for the past eight years. So she drawled" well, son, I think its mohre to do with our atitoode toowahds Austraaliya. When its green, it meens theha aw friends."
I decided to stop there, mostly becuase it would take a couple of minutes to seperate words from accent. I never got a chance to ask her again. Besides, I realized the whole map was contreversal. Russia in red? South Africa in purple? I dont know about the mapmakers, but I'm content stepping outside and seeing green grass, not orange. So whats up with that?
Y'know, I was looking at the world map today in class, and I noticed that they had put Australia in green. So I sarcasticaly asked my teacher," Sir, look! They put Australia in green!"
He did not immeidietly recongnize the crisis. " So?" he said, " why's that matter?"
" Well sir, I thought Australia was red."
" Yeah, it is." he seemed not to really care.
" Then why is it green!?" I demanded.
" Well, its probably... um...like....wait, whats this have to do with math?"
" are you telling me that you see an error in this classroom and dont care? Do you not beleive in truth and justice?!"
He decided to stop right there without answering my accusation. Instead, he went on about the Big Plan to finish math today (at least thats how it sounded). However, our next teacher walked in minutes later, before we had a chance to finish. So she waited on the side for us to wrap up. I took that chance to ask her," sir, have you ever noticed that Australia is green on the map?"
"Sir?" She responded.
" I mean, isn't it red?"
Now this teacher has peculiar accent, becuase she was born in Texas but has been teaching in Canada for the past eight years. So she drawled" well, son, I think its mohre to do with our atitoode toowahds Austraaliya. When its green, it meens theha aw friends."
I decided to stop there, mostly becuase it would take a couple of minutes to seperate words from accent. I never got a chance to ask her again. Besides, I realized the whole map was contreversal. Russia in red? South Africa in purple? I dont know about the mapmakers, but I'm content stepping outside and seeing green grass, not orange. So whats up with that?
He did not immeidietly recongnize the crisis. " So?" he said, " why's that matter?"
" Well sir, I thought Australia was red."
" Yeah, it is." he seemed not to really care.
" Then why is it green!?" I demanded.
" Well, its probably... um...like....wait, whats this have to do with math?"
" are you telling me that you see an error in this classroom and dont care? Do you not beleive in truth and justice?!"
He decided to stop right there without answering my accusation. Instead, he went on about the Big Plan to finish math today (at least thats how it sounded). However, our next teacher walked in minutes later, before we had a chance to finish. So she waited on the side for us to wrap up. I took that chance to ask her," sir, have you ever noticed that Australia is green on the map?"
"Sir?" She responded.
" I mean, isn't it red?"
Now this teacher has peculiar accent, becuase she was born in Texas but has been teaching in Canada for the past eight years. So she drawled" well, son, I think its mohre to do with our atitoode toowahds Austraaliya. When its green, it meens theha aw friends."
I decided to stop there, mostly becuase it would take a couple of minutes to seperate words from accent. I never got a chance to ask her again. Besides, I realized the whole map was contreversal. Russia in red? South Africa in purple? I dont know about the mapmakers, but I'm content stepping outside and seeing green grass, not orange. So whats up with that?
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Today was the first day of school. It was about all it was cooked up to be: tragic. Well, on the bright side, its one day down, 280 to go. sigh. And my brothers said they were looking forward to school.
And apparently I have the same math teacher as 30cal: Mr. ()enkins. Mr. ()enkins refers to himself in the 3rd person, so it was kind of funny to hear him talk about the rules and other stuff. Hes pretty clueless too, since the first thing he did was contradict our last teacher. Yes, its definetly going to be an interesting school year.
Moving on to other things, Im aware that although I am trying to be funny, most of you are probably vomiting in disgust and saying unpleaseant things about this blog. I just want to say that you may do so if you wish. I understand perfectly.
And apparently I have the same math teacher as 30cal: Mr. ()enkins. Mr. ()enkins refers to himself in the 3rd person, so it was kind of funny to hear him talk about the rules and other stuff. Hes pretty clueless too, since the first thing he did was contradict our last teacher. Yes, its definetly going to be an interesting school year.
Moving on to other things, Im aware that although I am trying to be funny, most of you are probably vomiting in disgust and saying unpleaseant things about this blog. I just want to say that you may do so if you wish. I understand perfectly.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Well, I finally went and got a blog. Now I can sit here and reap in the benifits of having hundreds of veiwers. In fact, I feel like I could sit here and reap all day. But then I'd have nothing to blog about, so for your sake I won't.
Unfortunatly, I dont have anything to blog about anyway. Ever since Fudge, 30cal and Rafiki moved out, nothing has really happened around here. So me, ever the genius, decided I just had to start a blog to report all the excitement. Even now, a dense cloud of anxiety fogs the enviorment as everbody tensly awaits the start of the school year. I can just feel the excitement in the air.
However, aside from metaphors, nothing has changed since the first paragraph. Ugh. Im too anxious to type. I simply must sit here and witness the dense downcast of dread.
Unfortunatly, I dont have anything to blog about anyway. Ever since Fudge, 30cal and Rafiki moved out, nothing has really happened around here. So me, ever the genius, decided I just had to start a blog to report all the excitement. Even now, a dense cloud of anxiety fogs the enviorment as everbody tensly awaits the start of the school year. I can just feel the excitement in the air.
However, aside from metaphors, nothing has changed since the first paragraph. Ugh. Im too anxious to type. I simply must sit here and witness the dense downcast of dread.
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