Bored

yup.

Close Encounters

The day started out normal. Woke up, davened, ate, did my daily routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Mom wanted me to come with her on a run to the door store. Sounded like a low risk mission. I didn't expect any trouble.
When we entered the store i noticed two things.
1) countless ripped up catnips littering the floor
2) a brown-white cat chewing on one.
Oh, i thought. A cat. That's nice. Back to work. Little did I know the cat took a much bigger interest in me.
Or rather, my shoelaces.
After consulting the store attendant, Mom and I moved to the counter to make some last minute arrangments. As we stood talking, i noticed the slink closer and closer. It stealthily crawled up to me, looked at my shoe, and started licking it.
um. whatever. I didn't find anything wrong with this.
Then it's gaze shifted up the laces on my shoe. It studied them for a while, then lashed out with its claws. they unknotted and fell to the floor. The cat looked at them again, now untangled, and decided that one of them was a mouse tail. It backed up and fell into a crouch.
That cant be good, I thought.
The cat pounced.
At around this point Mom and the attendant noticed, and the attendant started shouting at the cat. It didn't listen. The cat came down claws first, grabbing and tearing at the laces, gnawing and trying to bite a peice off. The attendant realized she had to take action before the cat killed me. She took a peice of paper and shook it.
The cat immiedtietly bounded off, covering half the room in a flash, and stood in a corner, unperturbed.
We wasted no time leaving (like another ten minutes). I came very close there.
Too close.

take this, fudge!

i just read fudge's blog. She was saying how anxious she was because she didn't know what she was going to do with her life. And then in her comments, she got...
sympathy?
people with the same problem??
i have decided it is high time i share my knowledge with you people before even more of you decide you dont know what to do with your life. Listen up, fudge.


LIVING LIFE
living life is easy! As long as you dont think about it, all you have to do is follow my simple instructions to be happy forever! and it wouldn't hurt to pay me either!

step 1.
drop whatever you're doing right now and
well well well. you're still here aren't you? I think we lost all the stupid people on the first line.
anyway, go to the nearest technology place you can find and ask to see the spider exhibit.

step 2.
wait for the the radioactive one to break free from its cage and then quickly thrust out your hand. If you have any luck (so Fudge might need help) you'll get bitten. this is where the fun begins.

step 3.
fall into a deep deep sleep (on the floor if you like) which should be filled with visions of DNA strands being changed. red and blue should be the predominant colors in the dream.

step 4.
get a freind to wake you up.

step 5.
now your transformation should be complete. check out your web shooting abilites and your newfound wall climbing expertise. When you have become a master of your new spider powers, move to seattle.

step 6.
when the army of spidermen is assembled in seattle, move to Milwaukee and await my orders.

okay?

might as well post, he grumbled

i've spent enough time commenting on other people blogs and not updating mine. well enough's enoguh! all that is about to change. because look out world, i am posting.

yup.

i am fulfilled.

A Difficult Choice

Late Afternoon. PT is sitting playing an arcade game on the Xbox. Rafiki walks in holding a stack of raffle tickets and a list of contacts.

RAFIKI: Hey PT, wanna buy a raffle ticket?

PT(distracted): a what?

RAFIKI: Raffle ticket.

PT: What's that do?

RAFIKI: Well, if you buy one, they put it in a big hat with hundreds of other tickets, and if they pull your ticket out, you could win an Ipod or a trip to Israel.

PT: Already went there.

RAFIKI: What?

PT: Already went there.



the end.

About that summer job...

yeah. um.

To think I had all those plans of working the whole summer. Auctually doing something useful. Making money.
Ha.
Of course that's now what happened. I got home from school, went down to the kosher grocery store, asked the manager about a job, to which she told me to call her back in the morning. And that's about how it ended. I hope shes still not waiting for me to call.
I woulda called her back, but Mom had other plans for the summer. When I got home, Mom informed me that I was
THE ACTIVITY PLANNER BROTHER!!!!!
So she put me in charge of taking the PT and Iguana out to the park, museum, zoo, water park,etc. Which is auctually pretty fun, and I enjoy doing it (and getting to freeload the rest of the day) the only problem so far is: I'm don't get paid!!!
Which means that once again, I will come back to WITS broke. I hope my class can forgive me. (IT'S BEEN THREE FREAKIN' MONTHS! HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE THOSE FIVE BUCKS YET!!!???)

Summer job...

Well, they finally put my sister in the zoo.
And one of my brothers is sitting behind the counter in a candy shop.
How exactly do I top those?
The truth is I could go for any sort of job, as long as it pays. I'm 14, and almost no one will hire me. I turned down a job that would have payed me to alphabetize cabinets for 5 hours a day, even though it payed well, because "any sort of job" can only go so far. Especially when you retype it as "something that is better than a zoo and candy shop job put together". Which filing cabinets is
Not exactly, as the PT says.
It paid around minimum wage, but it sounded waaaaaaay too boring. I dont want a summer job to become a pain to go to, as I am choosing between job and camp.
So pretty much, if you need some help and you've got a hole in your wallet...

YOU KNOW WHO TO CALL.

Yes, I am still here

THE BIG QUESTION:

WHY IS IT NOT SUMMER VACATION YET!!!!???

Just so you know how I'm feeling.

And yes I am still here.

The class question

These two guys next to me in the hallway were talking, and this third guy comes over and asks 'what are you guys talking about?'. The first two turn to him and one of them says, 'what gives you the right to butt into our conversation?' to which he replies stiffly 'I'm in you class, aren't I?"

Cuz y'know, if he weren't in their class, then it would be a totally justified question, right? I mean, it's a stupid question and it's a stupid answer. 'Because I'm a person,' maybe, not just 'cuz I'm in your class'.

Another time a friend of mine was reading a book, and a classmate comes over and starts bugging him. First guy tells him to get lost, he keeps it up, and so the guy puts down his book and puts the guy in a headlock. The guy immiedietly starts yelling for him to get off. So he releases the headlock, and the guy starts shouting, "What the heck is your problem!? I'm IN YOUR CLASS! You dont put people IN YOUR CLASS in a headlock!!"

So here's my question: What's with this whole class thing? Last year (7th grade) people didn't care what class you were in, if you bothered someone, classmate or not, you knew you were gonna get it, and if you were asked what gave you the right to talk to a guy you wouldn't choose 'I'm in your class' over 'I'm a human being'.

People seem to come to Yeshiva with this preconception. I dont see it with the Sophomores or Juniors or whatever. Just with my Freshmen class. They seem to assume their is this special bond between us: we are classmates. And therefore everyone can do whatever they want to everybody else and we understand because were classmates, right?

Where does this come from? How do people get this idea?

Well, I've got news for anybody who happens to be reading this:

I THINK I MIGHT HAVE AN ANSWER!!!

I skipped eighth grade, so I dont know what it's like, but everybody else goes through eighth grade first. It's supposed to be a really awesome year. You and the freinds you've known for ten years working together to raise money so you can go on a special class trip. And in eighth grade you know after this year your friends are going split up possibly forever. So everybody knows everybody very well, and everybody gets along and I guess maybe they have the 'classmate' bond.

And then after that you are thrust head first into Freshmen year. Dump a bunch of teenagers form all over the country into a building and hope they get along. I guess people have gotten to used to having that class bond, and maybe dont really realize that their new class is made up of complete strangers and that if you tick somebody off, you're not going to have anything to protect you.

so here's the real question: if I had a question AND an answer, why did I bother posting??

Yup. I did it so Fudge wouldnt nag me.

so here you go.

signs that you have been in Yeshiva too long #2 and #3

#2- You start to consider going around hitting people with a plastic sword an activity.

#3-you on and off call the people around you Will Smith

A Time of Struggle and Chaos

These are dark times. Big, pushy, wide-read blogs try to advance their sphere of influence into smaller, more local blogs (much like China in the 19th Century, coincedentally), big countries invade little countries (it could happen), big bugs eat little bugs (that's a known fact).
For a long time, this blog has been little more than a front, a satelite, a puppet, for one of those bigger blogs. It wanted to get more readers on its count by attracting them through my blog. It posted comment after comment on my posts, and whenever too much time had elapsed between posts, it would threaten me with violence.
And who is this ruler behind the scenes, this puppeteer? Fudge. Tales of Crime and Treason weren't getting enough readers, it seems. Fudge wanted more power. And then, once she began posting on my blog, she ushered in countless new bloggers to her side. When I stopped posting, I couldn't talk with her without the enivitable, "So why aren't you posting?"
Well, fellow bloggers, I come to tell you now that the reign of terror has ended. We draw the line HERE! This far and NO FURTHER! From now on, this blog operates as OutofAMMO's blog, not fudge's!
I understand this may be a long and hard fight. It may not be a battle I can win. But I have to take a stand. Not just for me, but for the small blogs that no one reads everywhere. United we are strong!
So you wanted me to post, fudge? here's your post.

Signs That You Are In Yeshiva #1

You sit down to a bowl of cereal for supper Wednseday night, and all you can think is, "Nice! Two nights in a row!"

Been a while.....again....

Stop looking at the title like that. Ok, so it's been more than a month since my last post. This just means I was busy being me. Doesn't leave me much free time. Besides, I've got lots of other stuff I need to do in my free time anyway. Eating, sleeping, getting a Hertz Appliance removed and lower braces put in on the same day(shiver), skipping a grade...eating...
It has been a long time since I seriously put in real information that you need to know up here ("If I were a plankton"), so I'm gonna backtrack a little.
After we got back from Isreal I skipped eighth grade and went into Yeshiva.
woohoo.
Then yesterday I got my Hertz appliance removed and the rest of my braces put in on the same day again (shiver).

I think I'm going to have to work on my backtracking skills. But then again, I am pretty busy eating and sleeping and getting appliances removed and braces put in and etc. I probably won't have time.
oh well.

New Avatar

If you've seen 30.cals blog, you noticed he got a new avatar with a guy in a talis davening on top of a tank. No, I'm afraid my new avatar is not like that. It's just a bunch of tanks. And there's no guy with a talis on top of it. Ok. That just makes special.


Also, hello from Israel! Yes, it's very hot over here! Almost as hot as Milwuakee! And it's all mountians. which dives my mother crazy. My mothers cousins live here, and we've been going on trips with one of her cousins and his family. He has very fun kids. We've got to go to a lot of places, too. There wsa this grotto on the coast that was very beautiful and was right up against the Lebanese border.

It's been a very fun trip so far. I'm really glad I got to come to Israel.

Israel

This is a good start, me thinks. With the big trip little more than a week away, It's probably about time I mentioned this. Oh yeah. This is gonna be a good post.
So. Israel. That's a cool place. My mother's really excited about this Jewish fortress in the desert (think it was Masada) from a revolt against the Romans. She keeps telling me, "Curly, we're gonna be standing in the exact spots where people fought and died two thousand years ago. We're gonna be in places where they kept their sacrafices, where they lived, where they worked and prayed." And she'll go on about the Crusades and the World Wars and tons more.
I think it's really hard to understand what that means, to be standing on the ground where people lived their lives two thousand years ago. It's such a long time, but for some places, the city hasn't changed at all. It really is unique about Israel (well, Jerusalem in particualar), how you can see the exact spots where people prayed without having an office building built on top of it, or the land plowed up, or tons of other stuff. It's still there, same as it always has been. I think I'm in for a really exciting trip.

Been a while

I haven't blogged in like a week...or maybe it was more than that. But whatever. I really can't think of anything worth blogging about. Fudge has practically monopolized the PT, so I can't do PT qoutes. Rafiki makes movies, and 30 cal justs hangs out and raps Linkin Park on his blog.

Basically, I need a hobby. I need some kind of gimmi(c?)k to bring the customers back. Uh...

er....

eh...
...any ideas?

The PT's Riddle

"Curly"she says," I'm gonna tell you a riddle, okay?"
"okay." I agree.
"But first, I have to ask you a question."
"yeah?"
"Um, who made the United States building?"
"The United states building? Maybe youre thinking about the Empire State building."
"No, I'm really sure it's the United States Building. Okay, fine, Empire State. But who built it?"
" I dont really know."
"Well let's just say it was George Washington, okay?"
"okay."
"Now who built the United States building?"
"George Washington."
"Nope-George Statesington."

And you were expecting a knock-knock states joke.

The Stupid, the Armed and the Stupidly Armed

October 20, 2006, 9:03 AM
This 6th grader comes up to me and tells me the 6th grade play is in a week. He wants to know if he can borrow a toy gun for the play. I tell him sure, and give him 30cal's old AK-47. I don't see it for another eight months.
May 1, 2007, 5:10 PM
The same 6th grader shows up at the door and asks if he can borrow a movie. I tell him, only if you bring that gun back here tommorow. He agrees and goes home.
Now I was fully expecting him to bring it to my house. After all, our school has a rule: anyone cuaght with a gun gets suspended on sight. You'd have to be crazy to bring a gun there.
The next day, the guy comes to school. A teacher quickly sees that he is carrying an AK-47 in his hand. The teacher asked him why he had a gun, to which he responded:
"What, this? This isn't mine. This is Curly's."
This was not too good for business. I had a teacher pull me out of class and show me the gun. He was about to suspend me, too. So I explained to him it's for a play that was on in October, I didn't bring it in, it's not my fualt, etc.
I did avoid getting suspended. The principle was furious with me, and most of the teachers weren't too happy to see me either. I managed to get the AK-47 into my locker pretty quickly, but it was the begining of school, and a lot of people going to their classrooms saw me.
This is why you should not give stupid people guns.

Questioning

My principle is not a very lenient guy. So whenever school property is vandalized or whatever, he takes any means neccasary to find out the culprit.
The first step was 'Pesach cleaning'. That's how he explained what he was doing when I went down to my locker and found him seaching through my backpack and pockets.
The next step was getting the students to find out for him. He tried asking a student to ask his prime suspect if he did it. It didn't work out, though, cuz the guy wasn't supposed to say that the principle sent him.
Then he put tons of tough and outragous rules on us, and offered to lift them if we turned the guy in. But no one knew who had done it.
The last thing he did, was he started, one by one, taking students away for 'questioning', or more likely interrogation. He just asks, can I borrow fhgiwagads for a second?, and then he brings the guy back an hour or two later. I myself haven't been questioned yet, but I hear it is really not fun.

This would almost be funny if it weren't true.

Scooby Superhero

"So, Pt, remember on Shabbos, that game you were playing with Iguana?"
"Scooby superhero?"
"Yeah. What was it about?"
" Well, Scooby superhero's evil twin invented a cloning machine and made a whole world of evil twins and called it 'evil twin clones land'."
" Yeah, I watched that part."
" You WATCHED us!? Oh no!"
" What, Pt?"
" Then now you know Scooby supehero's secret identity!"
"Who's that?"
" Scooby doo."
"Oh."
That is one crazy kid.