Out of Ammo

Billy Joel?

2008-11-20T18:58:00.000-08:00

definitely.

craziness

2008-11-14T06:21:00.000-08:00

PT: This is for you.
PT drops into my hand a mint broken into at least 6 peices. its covered in dirt or dust or something.
ME: thanks. I think.
PT: Yeah. the only reason i got it was for you, cuz i dont like mints. I even broke it in half so you can have half and rafi can have half.
ME: yeah, i noticed it was a... little broken up.(looking at mint)
PT: auctually its broken in hlaf cuz i dropped it on the floor cuz i didn't like mints. (smiles)
ME: okay, well, thanks PT. I guess i'll save it for future generations.
PT: Yeah me too! ive been saving that for like a month!
ME:(looks back at mint).
PT: You know where i was saving it?
ME:
PT: My shoe!
ME: (puts mint on counter). oh. um. do you think i should still eat it?
PT: Yeah. I would. (frowns). except i dont like mints.

New Avatar

2008-11-09T15:57:00.000-08:00

performing live from Bekius class! You can see some of Masechtas Megillah on the right side there.

my shiny new watch covered in dew

2008-11-05T12:26:00.000-08:00

my shiny new watch covered in dew
how i love, how i adore you
always give me the exact time of day
with flash and class, your own special way
exact to a fraction
an awesome transaction
im so glad i bought you today.

for 15 bucks.

not bored.

2008-11-01T18:02:00.000-07:00

happy!

Bored

2008-10-30T19:21:00.001-07:00

yup.

Close Encounters

2008-10-16T15:34:00.000-07:00

The day started out normal. Woke up, davened, ate, did my daily routine. Nothing out of the ordinary. Mom wanted me to come with her on a run to the door store. Sounded like a low risk mission. I didn't expect any trouble.
When we entered the store i noticed two things.
1) countless ripped up catnips littering the floor
2) a brown-white cat chewing on one.
Oh, i thought. A cat. That's nice. Back to work. Little did I know the cat took a much bigger interest in me.
Or rather, my shoelaces.
After consulting the store attendant, Mom and I moved to the counter to make some last minute arrangments. As we stood talking, i noticed the slink closer and closer. It stealthily crawled up to me, looked at my shoe, and started licking it.
um. whatever. I didn't find anything wrong with this.
Then it's gaze shifted up the laces on my shoe. It studied them for a while, then lashed out with its claws. they unknotted and fell to the floor. The cat looked at them again, now untangled, and decided that one of them was a mouse tail. It backed up and fell into a crouch.
That cant be good, I thought.
The cat pounced.
At around this point Mom and the attendant noticed, and the attendant started shouting at the cat. It didn't listen. The cat came down claws first, grabbing and tearing at the laces, gnawing and trying to bite a peice off. The attendant realized she had to take action before the cat killed me. She took a peice of paper and shook it.
The cat immiedtietly bounded off, covering half the room in a flash, and stood in a corner, unperturbed.
We wasted no time leaving (like another ten minutes). I came very close there.
Too close.

take this, fudge!

2008-10-06T15:45:00.000-07:00

i just read fudge's blog. She was saying how anxious she was because she didn't know what she was going to do with her life. And then in her comments, she got...
sympathy?
people with the same problem??
i have decided it is high time i share my knowledge with you people before even more of you decide you dont know what to do with your life. Listen up, fudge.

LIVING LIFE
living life is easy! As long as you dont think about it, all you have to do is follow my simple instructions to be happy forever! and it wouldn't hurt to pay me either!

step 1.
drop whatever you're doing right now and
well well well. you're still here aren't you? I think we lost all the stupid people on the first line.
anyway, go to the nearest technology place you can find and ask to see the spider exhibit.

step 2.
wait for the the radioactive one to break free from its cage and then quickly thrust out your hand. If you have any luck (so Fudge might need help) you'll get bitten. this is where the fun begins.

step 3.
fall into a deep deep sleep (on the floor if you like) which should be filled with visions of DNA strands being changed. red and blue should be the predominant colors in the dream.

step 4.
get a freind to wake you up.

step 5.
now your transformation should be complete. check out your web shooting abilites and your newfound wall climbing expertise. When you have become a master of your new spider powers, move to seattle.

step 6.
when the army of spidermen is assembled in seattle, move to Milwaukee and await my orders.

okay?

might as well post, he grumbled

2008-10-04T18:56:00.000-07:00

i've spent enough time commenting on other people blogs and not updating mine. well enough's enoguh! all that is about to change. because look out world, i am posting.

yup.

i am fulfilled.

A Difficult Choice

2008-08-27T18:20:00.000-07:00

Late Afternoon. PT is sitting playing an arcade game on the Xbox. Rafiki walks in holding a stack of raffle tickets and a list of contacts.

RAFIKI: Hey PT, wanna buy a raffle ticket?

PT(distracted): a what?

RAFIKI: Raffle ticket.

PT: What's that do?

RAFIKI: Well, if you buy one, they put it in a big hat with hundreds of other tickets, and if they pull your ticket out, you could win an Ipod or a trip to Israel.

PT: Already went there.

RAFIKI: What?

PT: Already went there.

the end.

About that summer job...

2008-08-07T05:38:00.000-07:00

yeah. um.

To think I had all those plans of working the whole summer. Auctually doing something useful. Making money.
Ha.
Of course that's now what happened. I got home from school, went down to the kosher grocery store, asked the manager about a job, to which she told me to call her back in the morning. And that's about how it ended. I hope shes still not waiting for me to call.
I woulda called her back, but Mom had other plans for the summer. When I got home, Mom informed me that I was
THE ACTIVITY PLANNER BROTHER!!!!!
So she put me in charge of taking the PT and Iguana out to the park, museum, zoo, water park,etc. Which is auctually pretty fun, and I enjoy doing it (and getting to freeload the rest of the day) the only problem so far is: I'm don't get paid!!!
Which means that once again, I will come back to WITS broke. I hope my class can forgive me. (IT'S BEEN THREE FREAKIN' MONTHS! HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE THOSE FIVE BUCKS YET!!!???)

Summer job...

2008-06-12T16:08:00.000-07:00

Well, they finally put my sister in the zoo.
And one of my brothers is sitting behind the counter in a candy shop.
How exactly do I top those?
The truth is I could go for any sort of job, as long as it pays. I'm 14, and almost no one will hire me. I turned down a job that would have payed me to alphabetize cabinets for 5 hours a day, even though it payed well, because "any sort of job" can only go so far. Especially when you retype it as "something that is better than a zoo and candy shop job put together". Which filing cabinets is
Not exactly, as the PT says.
It paid around minimum wage, but it sounded waaaaaaay too boring. I dont want a summer job to become a pain to go to, as I am choosing between job and camp.
So pretty much, if you need some help and you've got a hole in your wallet...

YOU KNOW WHO TO CALL.

Yes, I am still here

2008-06-02T19:37:00.000-07:00

THE BIG QUESTION:

WHY IS IT NOT SUMMER VACATION YET!!!!???

Just so you know how I'm feeling.

And yes I am still here.

The class question

2008-04-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

These two guys next to me in the hallway were talking, and this third guy comes over and asks 'what are you guys talking about?'. The first two turn to him and one of them says, 'what gives you the right to butt into our conversation?' to which he replies stiffly 'I'm in you class, aren't I?"

Cuz y'know, if he weren't in their class, then it would be a totally justified question, right? I mean, it's a stupid question and it's a stupid answer. 'Because I'm a person,' maybe, not just 'cuz I'm in your class'.

Another time a friend of mine was reading a book, and a classmate comes over and starts bugging him. First guy tells him to get lost, he keeps it up, and so the guy puts down his book and puts the guy in a headlock. The guy immiedietly starts yelling for him to get off. So he releases the headlock, and the guy starts shouting, "What the heck is your problem!? I'm IN YOUR CLASS! You dont put people IN YOUR CLASS in a headlock!!"

So here's my question: What's with this whole class thing? Last year (7th grade) people didn't care what class you were in, if you bothered someone, classmate or not, you knew you were gonna get it, and if you were asked what gave you the right to talk to a guy you wouldn't choose 'I'm in your class' over 'I'm a human being'.

People seem to come to Yeshiva with this preconception. I dont see it with the Sophomores or Juniors or whatever. Just with my Freshmen class. They seem to assume their is this special bond between us: we are classmates. And therefore everyone can do whatever they want to everybody else and we understand because were classmates, right?

Where does this come from? How do people get this idea?

Well, I've got news for anybody who happens to be reading this:

I THINK I MIGHT HAVE AN ANSWER!!!

I skipped eighth grade, so I dont know what it's like, but everybody else goes through eighth grade first. It's supposed to be a really awesome year. You and the freinds you've known for ten years working together to raise money so you can go on a special class trip. And in eighth grade you know after this year your friends are going split up possibly forever. So everybody knows everybody very well, and everybody gets along and I guess maybe they have the 'classmate' bond.

And then after that you are thrust head first into Freshmen year. Dump a bunch of teenagers form all over the country into a building and hope they get along. I guess people have gotten to used to having that class bond, and maybe dont really realize that their new class is made up of complete strangers and that if you tick somebody off, you're not going to have anything to protect you.

so here's the real question: if I had a question AND an answer, why did I bother posting??

Yup. I did it so Fudge wouldnt nag me.

so here you go.

signs that you have been in Yeshiva too long #2 and #3

2008-03-30T12:50:00.000-07:00

#2- You start to consider going around hitting people with a plastic sword an activity.

#3-you on and off call the people around you Will Smith

A Time of Struggle and Chaos

2008-03-16T12:34:00.000-07:00

These are dark times. Big, pushy, wide-read blogs try to advance their sphere of influence into smaller, more local blogs (much like China in the 19th Century, coincedentally), big countries invade little countries (it could happen), big bugs eat little bugs (that's a known fact).
For a long time, this blog has been little more than a front, a satelite, a puppet, for one of those bigger blogs. It wanted to get more readers on its count by attracting them through my blog. It posted comment after comment on my posts, and whenever too much time had elapsed between posts, it would threaten me with violence.
And who is this ruler behind the scenes, this puppeteer? Fudge. Tales of Crime and Treason weren't getting enough readers, it seems. Fudge wanted more power. And then, once she began posting on my blog, she ushered in countless new bloggers to her side. When I stopped posting, I couldn't talk with her without the enivitable, "So why aren't you posting?"
Well, fellow bloggers, I come to tell you now that the reign of terror has ended. We draw the line HERE! This far and NO FURTHER! From now on, this blog operates as OutofAMMO's blog, not fudge's!
I understand this may be a long and hard fight. It may not be a battle I can win. But I have to take a stand. Not just for me, but for the small blogs that no one reads everywhere. United we are strong!
So you wanted me to post, fudge? here's your post.

Signs That You Are In Yeshiva #1

2007-12-16T13:02:00.000-08:00

You sit down to a bowl of cereal for supper Wednseday night, and all you can think is, "Nice! Two nights in a row!"

Been a while.....again....

2007-11-18T00:14:00.000-08:00

Stop looking at the title like that. Ok, so it's been more than a month since my last post. This just means I was busy being me. Doesn't leave me much free time. Besides, I've got lots of other stuff I need to do in my free time anyway. Eating, sleeping, getting a Hertz Appliance removed and lower braces put in on the same day(shiver), skipping a grade...eating...
It has been a long time since I seriously put in real information that you need to know up here ("If I were a plankton"), so I'm gonna backtrack a little.
After we got back from Isreal I skipped eighth grade and went into Yeshiva.
woohoo.
Then yesterday I got my Hertz appliance removed and the rest of my braces put in on the same day again (shiver).

I think I'm going to have to work on my backtracking skills. But then again, I am pretty busy eating and sleeping and getting appliances removed and braces put in and etc. I probably won't have time.
oh well.

New Avatar

2007-08-09T10:39:00.000-07:00

If you've seen 30.cals blog, you noticed he got a new avatar with a guy in a talis davening on top of a tank. No, I'm afraid my new avatar is not like that. It's just a bunch of tanks. And there's no guy with a talis on top of it. Ok. That just makes special.

Also, hello from Israel! Yes, it's very hot over here! Almost as hot as Milwuakee! And it's all mountians. which dives my mother crazy. My mothers cousins live here, and we've been going on trips with one of her cousins and his family. He has very fun kids. We've got to go to a lot of places, too. There wsa this grotto on the coast that was very beautiful and was right up against the Lebanese border.

It's been a very fun trip so far. I'm really glad I got to come to Israel.

Israel

2007-07-19T23:15:00.000-07:00

This is a good start, me thinks. With the big trip little more than a week away, It's probably about time I mentioned this. Oh yeah. This is gonna be a good post.
So. Israel. That's a cool place. My mother's really excited about this Jewish fortress in the desert (think it was Masada) from a revolt against the Romans. She keeps telling me, "Curly, we're gonna be standing in the exact spots where people fought and died two thousand years ago. We're gonna be in places where they kept their sacrafices, where they lived, where they worked and prayed." And she'll go on about the Crusades and the World Wars and tons more.
I think it's really hard to understand what that means, to be standing on the ground where people lived their lives two thousand years ago. It's such a long time, but for some places, the city hasn't changed at all. It really is unique about Israel (well, Jerusalem in particualar), how you can see the exact spots where people prayed without having an office building built on top of it, or the land plowed up, or tons of other stuff. It's still there, same as it always has been. I think I'm in for a really exciting trip.

Been a while

2007-07-12T06:32:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in like a week...or maybe it was more than that. But whatever. I really can't think of anything worth blogging about. Fudge has practically monopolized the PT, so I can't do PT qoutes. Rafiki makes movies, and 30 cal justs hangs out and raps Linkin Park on his blog.

Basically, I need a hobby. I need some kind of gimmi(c?)k to bring the customers back. Uh...

er....

eh...
...any ideas?

The PT's Riddle

2007-05-17T18:38:00.001-07:00

"Curly"she says," I'm gonna tell you a riddle, okay?"
"okay." I agree.
"But first, I have to ask you a question."
"yeah?"
"Um, who made the United States building?"
"The United states building? Maybe youre thinking about the Empire State building."
"No, I'm really sure it's the United States Building. Okay, fine, Empire State. But who built it?"
" I dont really know."
"Well let's just say it was George Washington, okay?"
"okay."
"Now who built the United States building?"
"George Washington."
"Nope-George Statesington."

And you were expecting a knock-knock states joke.

The Stupid, the Armed and the Stupidly Armed

2007-05-02T15:54:00.000-07:00

October 20, 2006, 9:03 AM
This 6th grader comes up to me and tells me the 6th grade play is in a week. He wants to know if he can borrow a toy gun for the play. I tell him sure, and give him 30cal's old AK-47. I don't see it for another eight months.
May 1, 2007, 5:10 PM
The same 6th grader shows up at the door and asks if he can borrow a movie. I tell him, only if you bring that gun back here tommorow. He agrees and goes home.
Now I was fully expecting him to bring it to my house. After all, our school has a rule: anyone cuaght with a gun gets suspended on sight. You'd have to be crazy to bring a gun there.
The next day, the guy comes to school. A teacher quickly sees that he is carrying an AK-47 in his hand. The teacher asked him why he had a gun, to which he responded:
"What, this? This isn't mine. This is Curly's."
This was not too good for business. I had a teacher pull me out of class and show me the gun. He was about to suspend me, too. So I explained to him it's for a play that was on in October, I didn't bring it in, it's not my fualt, etc.
I did avoid getting suspended. The principle was furious with me, and most of the teachers weren't too happy to see me either. I managed to get the AK-47 into my locker pretty quickly, but it was the begining of school, and a lot of people going to their classrooms saw me.
This is why you should not give stupid people guns.

Questioning

2007-04-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

My principle is not a very lenient guy. So whenever school property is vandalized or whatever, he takes any means neccasary to find out the culprit.
The first step was 'Pesach cleaning'. That's how he explained what he was doing when I went down to my locker and found him seaching through my backpack and pockets.
The next step was getting the students to find out for him. He tried asking a student to ask his prime suspect if he did it. It didn't work out, though, cuz the guy wasn't supposed to say that the principle sent him.
Then he put tons of tough and outragous rules on us, and offered to lift them if we turned the guy in. But no one knew who had done it.
The last thing he did, was he started, one by one, taking students away for 'questioning', or more likely interrogation. He just asks, can I borrow fhgiwagads for a second?, and then he brings the guy back an hour or two later. I myself haven't been questioned yet, but I hear it is really not fun.

This would almost be funny if it weren't true.

Scooby Superhero

2007-03-13T15:27:00.000-07:00

"So, Pt, remember on Shabbos, that game you were playing with Iguana?"
"Scooby superhero?"
"Yeah. What was it about?"
" Well, Scooby superhero's evil twin invented a cloning machine and made a whole world of evil twins and called it 'evil twin clones land'."
" Yeah, I watched that part."
" You WATCHED us!? Oh no!"
" What, Pt?"
" Then now you know Scooby supehero's secret identity!"
"Who's that?"
" Scooby doo."
"Oh."
That is one crazy kid.

"It's Time To Free Jonathan Pollock"

2007-03-09T13:00:00.000-08:00

The principle says,"So, as part of a conitenent wide program, our school, along with hundreds of others, are going to say tehillim every day after davening. Also, I have sent a letter to President Bush urging him to free Jonathon Pollock."
The principle looks around." Who here knows who Jonathon Pollock is? Well, to tell you the truth, it doesn't really matter, becuase he is a fellow Jew who is in jail for not such a good reason, and has been in jail for a long time because of the anti-semites in the goverment. He needs our teffilos so he can finally be freed."
My question is, all opinions on Jonathon Pollack aside, is that isn't it more political than anything else? Why are we saying tehillim for politics?

Purim Shtick

2007-02-24T16:46:00.001-08:00

Or lack thereof.
You probably think I'm gonna tell you about some ellaborate shtick me and my friends did. Well, we didn't do any shtick. We're actually not allowed to do shtick
My school is divided into 2 halfs: the boys half and the girls half. A few days ago, we were supposed to get out at 11:30 cuz of meetings, And the girls half only had school till 9 o'clock. After that, they had the rest of the day to set up purim shtick.
We on the boys half had a normal day of school.
At 11:25, the principal came over the intercom to the entire school," Okay, girls, finish up your activities!" The few people who weren't girls just had to bear that. At 11:30, we went out to see the school wide shtick the girls had been doing since 9 o'clock.
The had hung up a bunch of sheets of colored paper on the wall.
Not enough to cover the walls, just a few blank sheets scattered here and there. Then the school staff came out and luaghed their brains out.

Costumes and the Haunted Bathroom

2007-02-18T11:42:00.000-08:00

Rafiki put this costume together after Shabbos. I couldnt stop laughing the entire time.

Anyway, this morning at school, I was looking for an open bathroom, and I found one right next to the janitors room. Pretty much no one goes down by that room, so I didn't even know the bathroom was there. And it actually looked clean too, so it must not have been used for a little bit.

So I figure, wow, I've struck gold! A CLEAN bathroom! As soon as I walkn in, though, I hear theses little sounds like something small moving, like paws or something like that. Thats when I remebered the teachers mentioning something about mice being in the building a little while ago.

I look around for where the sound is coming from, and when I looked up I saw a peice of wood covering a hole in the ceiling with a little hole bitten through the middle. Just big enough for a mouse to fit through.

That was one CREEPY bathroom.

New Template

2007-02-08T22:17:00.000-08:00

Its good I'm here to tell you these things, isn't it? As you may have noticed, I switched the background of the the blog. I like the new one better than the old one. Beleive it or not, thats actually why I switched.
Plus, I switched to the new blogger, withc Iguana has been nagging me to do for at least a week, cuz she wanted her avatar to appear on my blog. So Iguana, I hope you're happy!

NO SCHOOL!

2007-02-05T06:04:00.000-08:00

Just kidding. It's canceled alright. For the GIRLS only. Boys, they still have shool.
The girls have no school becuz its 15 degrees below 0 outside. Its too COLD for them. But we can go jump in a lake, for the school administration cares. I don't understand how a school could cancel half of the school and still have for the other half. I think it's just crazy.

The Evil Lair

2007-01-03T18:19:00.000-08:00

My sister Iguana recorded this from a Japanese translated game:
EVIL MINION: They've invaded the base!
EVIL EMPEROR: Very well. Activate the Interior Infrastructre Automated Tactical Defense Stratigical System!
EVIL MINION: What?
EVIL EMPEROR: I said get ready to launch! Do you have a problem?
EVIL MINION: But that's still being tested! It could blow up the base!
EVIL EMPEROR: I dont care!
EVIL MINION: Aaaah.

Joke book

2006-12-21T14:50:00.000-08:00

Is that two words, or one? Anyway, my first one took place during chumash class. We were starting Parshas Chukas, and my Rebbe was handing out work packets. On the cover of these was a big cow with a Soviet ensigna in the middle. So I ask my Rebbe," Whats with the Soviet symbol?" and he says," this parsha deals with the para aduma ( red cow).

Yukyukyuk. Here's another one:

Knock knock
whos there?
potatoes
potatoes who?
potatoes are taking a shower!

Yeah, the PT came up with that one. I can't think of anymore, though. Maybe you have one?

Script

2006-12-05T15:46:00.000-08:00

here's the script for the previous post:
http://allyourbase.planettribes.gamespy.com/story.shtml
They were making fun of a horribly translated Japanese Gameboy game.

The Classics

2006-12-05T15:38:00.000-08:00

http://allyourbase.planettribes.gamespy.com/video3_view.shtml

Yay!!!!!!!!

2006-12-03T18:03:00.000-08:00

OK, 30cal and PsychoToddler may have beat me to the punch, and I may be little late, but I DID have a Bar Mitzvah this week!
It was completely crazy. At one AM Shabbos morning, 30cal was reading me my speech, and he pointed out so many errors I freaked. I had a terrible speech, and I had to give it in, like, 10 hours. Even if we made changes, I wouldn't be able to write them down. When I got up to read the speech after davening in front of the entire congregation, I was barely reciting from the paper. Most of it was off the top of my head, and believe me that I was terrified when I gave it. Funny that everyone actually liked it more than my leining. Or is that just in contrast to my leining? Well, whatever. I'm just glad to be over with it. It's good to know that the rest of the year is smooth sailing.

Dillusional

2006-11-30T15:59:00.000-08:00

PT: Hey Curly, know who's boots these used to be?
Me: Iguana's.
PT: Yeah, but before then. Y'know, Fudge!
Me: No they weren't.
PT: Y'know how I know? Here, Curly, I will tell you. Iguana showed me a picture of her when she was my age, and she was wearing my dress! And I said 'Iguana that's my dress and she said ' No PT I gave that dress to you.' And you know who gave it to her? Fudge. And thats how I know.
Me: No, Iguana bought(ten) them.
PT: She did!?
Me: Yes she did.
PT: Boy, thats got to be embarresing.
Me: Embarresing? Why?
PT: Um, I mean frustrating.
Me: Why?
PT: Cuz I was thinking that when I grow up I would get to walk around in cool boots and walk around and jump and run and draw and call you to breakfest and shout in your ear like I am right now and sit down and eat um, toasted, um spahgetti! And drive a car and an airplane and boy, is this weird.
Me: Yeah, I know.
PT: Cmon, lets go meet my friends.
Me: Right.
PT then takes me over to her stuffed animal collection and say," OK guys, remember my brother Curly? Y'know, the OTHER one that I kept telling you about? Um, ok um... Curly?
Me: Yes?
PT: I dont think they like you.
Me: oh.
PT: Run really fast.

Frozen Custard Butterburgers

2006-11-05T14:55:00.000-08:00

What are they? What kind of sick, twisted mind thought them up? And does he wear crocks?
I'm going to start off with those questions. The answer to the first question is the easiest. What are they? They are carefully laided out veggie burgers coated in melt-in-your-mouth butter and filled with a scrumptios custard suprise!
Who thought of them? If you thought it was from Rafiki,er...take a bow, or pat yourself on the back or shout or something. Yes, that baboon first imagine the product we love. And does he wear crocks?

Maybe.

If I were plankton...

2006-11-01T16:55:00.000-08:00

I'd get eaten. Either the whales or the fish or whatever would eat me. Between the 2 of them-not counting the 'whatever'- I'd be eaten at some point in my life, though it would probably be at the end. Either that or I'd drown.
So why am I mentioning this? Becuase if you saw a guy dressed as a plankton on Halloween this year, would that be beneficial to him? Or would it just mean you got his costume wrong? And can I continue my streak of 3 questions in row?
Well, barring the last question, this really brings out a moral debate. Is this a form of protest? Is he trying to save the plankton? Or is it just a scheme to get more candy?
But maybe this is just the begining of an educational future halloween. Maybe someday parents will incorporate learning into the day. Maybe someday children will roam the streets dressed as fruits and vegetables and deep sea fungus and Native Americans and famous authors and other educational stuff.
At least, thats we spend time doing at my school, anyway.

Teffilin

2006-10-29T11:57:00.000-08:00

Is that how you spell it? Well, anyway, I put on teffilin today. By the begining of shacaris, the circulation to my laft arm and hand had been cut off. At the end, they were both white and freezing. It was pretty painful. But they're probably going to be looser next time, though.
Its scary, thinking that I only have one month left to my Bar Mitzvah. It's even scarier that all my last posts haven't been able to top 3 paragraphs. Why can't I make a post that doesn't use up the idea in the first paragraph?
So I'm going to make this one four paragraphs, just to break the streak. Also, it will look very intimidating, when you log on and its like, a column of words descending to the bottom of the screen and you'll be like, woah, this post is very intimidating.
My sister could give this post five words: dead air, um, dead air. Its true. I probably won't make this paragraph very interesting. Better move on to the next one.
Wait! thats four!

Just thinking...

2006-10-16T07:38:00.000-07:00

The Shire is actually a real nice peice of real estate.

The Weed Lord

2006-10-11T19:01:00.001-07:00

I can't offer a link to my bro Rafiki's blog, but face it, all of you already know how to get there. I've got an ongoing career as the Weed Lord (where did that title COME from?) in Rafiki's movies. You probably couldn't tell with me wearing the coat and hat and glasses and all. It has earned much fame and brought to the world renowned staus I now hold today. The best part was, I got to pull my sisters hat down. I've always wanted to do that. It was so much fun!

The Weed Lord

2006-10-11T19:01:00.000-07:00

Classroom Facisim

2006-10-05T17:23:00.000-07:00

We were learning history a little while ago. We, of course, learning about Native Americans, as we have for the past five years, and after five years we were bored sick of it. So, someone proposed that we take a vote who wants to learn about Native Americans or the founding fathers. Our history teacher said NO. We went on to protest that his decision was unconstitutional, and that his decision to not learn about founding fathers in the first place was also unconstitutional. Our teacher declared," School is not a democracy. It is a dictatorship. And anyone who steps out of line will be punished."

gelilah-phobia

2006-09-24T18:27:00.000-07:00

I was davening at the shul this Rosh Hashana, when somebody came up to me during kreeas hatorah and asked,"gelilah?"
During gelilah, you have to the roll up the Torah and put the covering on it. I have a reputation for messing it up. Last time I tried, I nearly ripped the Torah in half. That pretty much stopped me from doing it this time.
Most people dont get scared when somebody comes up to them and asks them to do gelilah, though. I'm pretty sure that when they come up to me, they sneer to themselves and themselves and say another one down. SUCKER. Of course, they wouldn't show that, but I'm sure I can detect it as they ask.

The Honey Bear

2006-09-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

Every Rosh Hashona, we go to the store and buy honey. Every Rosh Hoshona night, I always find myself in the company of a little, yellowish bear. For some reason, the plastic containers that honey is put in are almost always shaped like bears.
But why are they shaped like bears? Well, bears like honey, people tell me. But two things: first off, bears kill a lot of bees and drive the rest out of the hive, plus kill alot of larvae when they do it, which can sometimes mean less honey is gathered, thus less honey is collected from the hive. So, bears are actually the enemy of honey.
Additionally, if the bears like to eat honey, that means less honey for us. Why would they make the containers shaped like bears if bears make them lose money by eating honey?
Well, I've come to the conclusion that this plus all the other reasons bears hurt business and kill people and other stuff, you'd say that bears don't help anybody and thus be cruel to any bear you come across. The people in the honey in the honey business like bears and want to protect them, so they shape honey containers like cute, cuddly bears as if to apoligize for the bears taking your honey, and to say that bears are cute and nice.
So the bottom line is honey containers are shaped like bears becuase they want you to have mercy on bears.

Tale of Crime and Treason on the High Seas

2006-09-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

You all know the book I'm talking about. It was filled with adventure, excitement, knowlegde and thrills. Laughs would come easily when one would read this grand novel.
Yes, it is Curious George.
We went down to the school library yesterday with Mr.()enkins. It was mostly filled with preschool. Seizing the chance, I grabbed my favorite book, Curious George Escapes from Prison, and sat down next to my teacher.
" Sir," I began," I would like to tell you a tale of crime and treason on the high seas. It all began one day in Africa, while-"
" Wait one minute, Curly. I cant read a book with you right now, no matter how exciting it is." he said.
" But sir! Surely you don't want to miss out on this! So, ahem, Curious George was a monkey. But he was no ordinary monkey. He was very curious. He lived in Africa.
One day, the big Yellow Man came to Africa to visit. He liked George a lot, and decided to kidnap him. So he put down his hat..."
I went on to tell him the thrilling epic, how George jumped overboard, how he would smoke every night before bed, how he was sent to prison and how he escaped. I told him how he flew over the Big City, and how he eventually went to the zoo to give all the animals balloons.
Mr. ()enkins didn't really like it, but I'm sure that comes from being a math teacher. Of course, all people love the tale of the curious monkey from exotic lands, and I'm suprised college students don't learn it. I mean, didn't you love Curuois George?

The Dentist

2006-09-13T15:33:00.000-07:00

My mother told me," Curly, you've got an orthidantist appointment."
"oh no." I said, heart sinking," What are they gonna do?"
"Not much." she replied.
What she could've said would be, " well, theyre going to take 3 Xrays, stick a humungous mirror in your mouth twice, then take 2 molds of your teeth twice, and then pry your lips open so they can put flouride on each tooth.
But of course, if parents were that frank, children would have rebelled long ago. So they choose to stay nuetral, so they can leave you to your fate.
Oh, but the orthidantist wasn't the terrible part. Before I left, they said" Next week we're going to cement an appliance that gradually drag your forward by a series of coils and springs which will eventually, over the course of one year, get rid of your over bite. And in 3 months we put on the braces."
I went home and watched a movie. In the movie, the main character would have flashbacks to his childhood, where he wore an enoumus contraption which pulled his lips out and tugged his jaw forward.
Needless to say, a movie like that and a week are not a very good combination for my situation.
Youre probably there luaghing and saying " HA HA! SUCKER!" while you struggle not to fall out of your chair. Well, you heartless fiend, you wont be laughing when it happens to YOU!(or some one you know!)

2006-09-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

Do you know those little cream filled cupcakes with frosting on top? With a little white stripe? Well, I gave one of those to the PT. Of course, five year olds are infamous for eating the frosting, but not the cake. So I say " its good, PT, see? its got yummy cream in the middle. It tastes great! so you can eat the cake!"
" Yummy!" she exclaims.
" so you're gonna eat the cake, right?"
"yep!"
" are you sure?"
" positive!"
I decide thats enough goading and let her eat her cake. Ten minutes later, I come back to the table to find no PT, but a topless cream filled cupcake sitting there. No frosting, just cake and cream. So I search the house for the responsible nutjob. And there she is, eating potato chips in the living room. So I confront her and ask," PT, why didnt you eat the cake?"
" I didnt like the cake!" she says.

2006-09-07T18:14:00.000-07:00

There's a underground floor in house. There's a few rooms. The first one, near the steps, houses the computers. then theres a luandry room to the side, which links to a boiler room and the famed " toy pantry", where are the toys go when they die. Unfortunately, the PT keeps trying to ressurect them.
So I'm sitting in the computer room, reading a book, when PT comes down the stairs. She goes up to me and says " Curly, Im going to get a toy from the toy pantry. Stay right here." And then heads off into the luandry room. Aside from the computer room, usually all the lights are turned off in the basement.
Aproximatly 3 seconds later:"OKAY I CANT SEE A THING."
I try to get back to my book, but a few seconds later " HELLO! I CANT SEE A THING!!!!" this time in a more whiny voice, giving me my cue to go help her.
I walk in and trun on the lights. " okay curly now I can see." she says, and then stares down the dark hallway ahead.
" Um... you stay here." she says, and slowly walks towards the doorway. Once she reaches it, she stops for a second, turns around and runs back in front of me.
" Okay actually you're gonna have to come with me." She cant even imagine me saying no, so I decide to go with her. Theres a barricade of suitcases in front of the toy pantry, though, and then, sudennly, the PT looks at me.
" Okay Curly," she says," I actually decided I dont want to go."
"oh okay."I say" then lets go back."
"Im not finished! Im going to go back, and youre going to stay here and get me a toy." she turns to leave.
" Hey wait one second!" Im not getting it for you! you have to get it!"
she turns around." what?"
"I said you have to get it!"
"um...." she looks back and forth at me and the way out.
"you know what Curly?" she says at last. " Lets just pretend this didnt happen."

2006-09-05T17:06:00.000-07:00

IF I WERE A RICH MAN...
A freind of mine has come up with a scheme to get rich. It goes like this: take a shovel, dig a shallow hole in the middle ofa street. Take a wide bucket ( at least 6ft) and cover it in clay. wait to dry, rough up to look like stone, attatch wheels and put in hole, so wheels are concealed. Then fill it with water and put in a coin or two. By the end of the day, the bucket will be filled with coins. Then, in the cover of night, take the "fountian" up and wheel it to a different location.

2006-09-04T15:40:00.000-07:00

LABOUR DAY
Do you know labour day came around? Do you know what it is?
Well, I don't, but I know how it came around. Obvoiusly, the students revolted and went on not strike, but strep. So they decided to make it a holiday, in order to encourage others to right.
But you are probably not asking yourself how Labour day came around. You are probably asking yourself " this guy does know its spelled Labor day, right?".
Well for your information I do, you presuming, blundering fool. I was spelling it that way in honor of the famous Australian crocodile documenter,....er...
No, I didnt forget his name. I just dont feel like telling it to you. But anyway, I could sense the world would never be the same, and felt compelled to spell it in British English. I bet you haven't been as considerate as I have in your spelling today, have you?

2006-09-03T18:57:00.000-07:00

A lot of schools now give out summer vacation homework. Usually it's a whole stack of assignments. Some people have to do science projects over the summer. Some get lucky, and only have one assignment, a book report or some such. I only got a vocab list to study. I was a luckier student. It should have been easy. I had two months, after all.
So why, oh why didnt I study ?!
We had the vocab test today. It didnt just shock me how much I'd forgotten. It snuck up behind me, tackled me, smashed me against the wall,pushed me off a cliff and left my body to rot.
After the clash with metaphors, I was handed back my grade. I scowled at the grade and tried to glare it into submission, but the red ink outmatched my gaze. No doubt the retest will be much funner.
And 30cal and Rafiki drove home all way from Witz to gloat. They claim to be hard at work at Witz, but I know what they really do: they sit there all day practicing smirks and sneers and scowls and all the other S words so students all over the state can come and claim to be hard at work. Then they'll have an excuse to gloat. Even twenty years after, they'll take out the yearbook and practice gloating to their sons. Its a tradition thats gone on for generations

2006-08-31T15:58:00.000-07:00

As you can see, we're expereincing a little trouble, probably becuase the last post just published 3 times. Just rty to ignore it.

2006-08-31T15:15:00.002-07:00

Y'know, I was looking at the world map today in class, and I noticed that they had put Australia in green. So I sarcasticaly asked my teacher," Sir, look! They put Australia in green!"
He did not immeidietly recongnize the crisis. " So?" he said, " why's that matter?"
" Well sir, I thought Australia was red."
" Yeah, it is." he seemed not to really care.
" Then why is it green!?" I demanded.
" Well, its probably... um...like....wait, whats this have to do with math?"
" are you telling me that you see an error in this classroom and dont care? Do you not beleive in truth and justice?!"
He decided to stop right there without answering my accusation. Instead, he went on about the Big Plan to finish math today (at least thats how it sounded). However, our next teacher walked in minutes later, before we had a chance to finish. So she waited on the side for us to wrap up. I took that chance to ask her," sir, have you ever noticed that Australia is green on the map?"
"Sir?" She responded.
" I mean, isn't it red?"
Now this teacher has peculiar accent, becuase she was born in Texas but has been teaching in Canada for the past eight years. So she drawled" well, son, I think its mohre to do with our atitoode toowahds Austraaliya. When its green, it meens theha aw friends."
I decided to stop there, mostly becuase it would take a couple of minutes to seperate words from accent. I never got a chance to ask her again. Besides, I realized the whole map was contreversal. Russia in red? South Africa in purple? I dont know about the mapmakers, but I'm content stepping outside and seeing green grass, not orange. So whats up with that?

2006-08-31T15:15:00.001-07:00

2006-08-31T15:15:00.000-07:00

2006-08-30T15:23:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of school. It was about all it was cooked up to be: tragic. Well, on the bright side, its one day down, 280 to go. sigh. And my brothers said they were looking forward to school.
And apparently I have the same math teacher as 30cal: Mr. ()enkins. Mr. ()enkins refers to himself in the 3rd person, so it was kind of funny to hear him talk about the rules and other stuff. Hes pretty clueless too, since the first thing he did was contradict our last teacher. Yes, its definetly going to be an interesting school year.
Moving on to other things, Im aware that although I am trying to be funny, most of you are probably vomiting in disgust and saying unpleaseant things about this blog. I just want to say that you may do so if you wish. I understand perfectly.

2006-08-29T17:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally went and got a blog. Now I can sit here and reap in the benifits of having hundreds of veiwers. In fact, I feel like I could sit here and reap all day. But then I'd have nothing to blog about, so for your sake I won't.
Unfortunatly, I dont have anything to blog about anyway. Ever since Fudge, 30cal and Rafiki moved out, nothing has really happened around here. So me, ever the genius, decided I just had to start a blog to report all the excitement. Even now, a dense cloud of anxiety fogs the enviorment as everbody tensly awaits the start of the school year. I can just feel the excitement in the air.
However, aside from metaphors, nothing has changed since the first paragraph. Ugh. Im too anxious to type. I simply must sit here and witness the dense downcast of dread.